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Contrary to popular opinion, I am not perfect

Taking a cue from a woman (mom, wife, copastor, and beautifully flawed human) I deeply admire and hope to become better friends with in the months and years to come, I would like to share my top 12 (I’m gonna top Kathy hehe) utterly humiliating beautifully HUMAN things about me. Let this be a lesson to you if you aren’t yet a mom that you cannot be a perfect mom nor should you try. Let it be a lesson to you if you are not yet married that you cannot be a perfect wife, nor should you try. Let it be a lesson to you if you think that I am perfect, that I have it all together - - I do not, nor do I try. And finally, let it encourage you and lift you up that you’re not alone…and you never will be even when you feel in your marrow that you are the only fuck-up out there.

1. I don’t like playing with my kids - especially pretend play. I find it mind numbingly boring and stupefying. The best they can squeeze out of me any given day is a 10 minute board game.

2. I have on more than one occasion asked my sensitive and emotional 5 year old what her problem is (using those exact words).

3. I often forget to feed my children - this keeps them thin at least.

4. When I do the laundry, I sort out all my husband’s clothes and dump them in a pile in the bedroom. They stay there that way until he wears them or puts them away.

5. I leave my children alone in the bathtub together.

6. This is a conversation that happens almost daily, usually around 6 after David’s been home for an hour or so “What’s the plan for dinner?” *shrug* “I dunno, I’m having a peanut butter sandwich”. That is if he’s lucky enough to catch me on a good day and not get “how the hell should I know, get your own damn food”.

7. On more than one occasion my children have watched 5 tv shows, played a video game for an hour and watched a movie… back to back while I worked on a project.

8. I often refuse to let my kids play with playdoh, the tea set, painting, markers, etc. just so I don’t have to clean up the ensuing mess.

9. I let my 2.5 year old drink soda - esp. when she throws a big enough fit.

10. I use chocolate as a bribe - and I do mean BRIBE.

11. I once left a load of laundry in the washing machine for 3 days and had to rewash it after drying it because it smelled so bad.

12. I often stay in my “pjs”, no makeup, not having done my hair until 15 minutes before my husband is due to arrive home.

…I can think of so many more but those are the first 12 that come to mind.


  1. Jeromy — January 15, 2008 #

    Thank you for lightening up my day. I cracked up reading your list. What a horrible mom ;-) I really, truly smelt you 3-day old laundry…reminds me of college days. So, for what it’s worth, thank you.

    Oh, and by the way, what’s for dinner?

  2. myste — January 15, 2008 #

    i have totally done number 11 before and i dont even have the excuse of children. having a washer/dryer in my house is fabulous, but i could never get away with that crap when i had to lug my whole load down to the coin-op laundromat!

  3. Mike — January 15, 2008 #

    wow, I never thought you were perfect, but I had no idea…


  4. dave — January 15, 2008 #

    I have on more than one occasion asked my sensitive and emotional 5 year old what her problem is (using those exact words).

    Hmmm… can you explain how you use these exact words?

    Do you say, “5 year old what her problem is?!?!”

    Or do you just say, “What her problem is?!?!”

    Or do you say, “Sensitive and emotional 5 year old, what her problem is?!?!”

  5. sonja — January 15, 2008 #

    LOL … yep … Ross thought you were writing this about me … I’ve done it all, plus this (it would be my 13)

    Fed my kids pb&j for lunch for a month straight because I just could not think of anything else and they did not protest. After a while, it became a test to how long I could get away with it

    Then my husband started working from home and ruined them … but now they fix their own lunch. Most days I just have cheese and bread … I hate lunch … it’s such an interruption.

  6. Ross — January 15, 2008 #

    You do laundry? Geez

    (Luv you Sonja ;-)

  7. Erin — January 15, 2008 #

    Things that are NOT like me:

    #4, #5 (only because my kids are too big to bathe together anymore), #10 and #12…so if you’re a bad mom, so am I.

  8. Lori — January 15, 2008 #

    OMG, you make me look like mother of the year! LOL, just kidding;-) It is refreshing to read about another imPERFECT mom.

  9. Julie Clawson — January 15, 2008 #

    OMG…. ditto to all. (and yes it is nearly 7PM and I am still in my pj’s… I’m referring to them as maternity clothes these days, it sounds better - even if they are flannel and plaid :) )

    I’ve gotten around #2 by always asking it in Spanish. At least then I feel like I am encouraging my child’s development as I demand to know what her problem is…

  10. Mak — January 15, 2008 #

    dave - hehe… I ask “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!”

    or sometimes on off days “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

    thanks everyone - isn’t it great to know you’re not alone in being so imperfect? hehe

  11. Anita Wright — January 15, 2008 #

    Ahhhh, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.
    #1 MAK! I am astonished at your perfect humaness ;)
    I must say I could relate to all of that except #9 and #12 only because I am a bit of a soda nazi, and David is lucky you change before he comes home LOL! I prefer not to deceive my dh and expose him as much as possible to the harsh realities of stay at home life.
    As for #11, have you ever rerun laundry only to forget it AGAIN?!!
    And dinner… well I learned in my last pregnancy that if I didn’t have to make it it would stay down. I think I’m going to try that this time around too. After all what’s the use of being married to a chef ?:))

  12. Cynthia — January 15, 2008 #

    LOL in Barnes and Noble!

    I can relate to ALL of those but especially to number one and seeing as I have nine children and am supposed to be lovingly engaged with them each day as I educate them at home . . .

    Well, you get the picture.

  13. kathyescobar — January 15, 2008 #

    total laugh out loud. loved your list. i’m glad i was your inspiration! i said my list was easily 100…pretty much all of yours….yeah, me, too. hope to see ya soon!

  14. kendra — January 15, 2008 #

    I’m not yet a mom, but I do have a dog…and some house plants. (don’t get me started!)

    I have gone a couple days without feeding the dog once. I just couldn’t muster up the energy to trek out to PetSmart for chow. (I think he’s forgiven me…)

  15. Che V. — January 15, 2008 #

    Now breathing great sighs of relief!
    I thought I was the only one who did many of those things….and I have washed the clothes again, only to forget again…and again……
    You made my day….

  16. Maria — January 15, 2008 #

    What a great list! I’m with you on at least 10 of those — and I’m thinking about trying #4. In addition, I have let slip those words of my mother that I swore I would never say (to my sensitive, emotional 5-year-old, no less): “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” Yeah, perfect went out the window some time ago.

  17. Don — January 15, 2008 #

    I’ve left laundry in the washer until it grew mold! You are delightfully human! Thanks, Mak!

  18. Carlo — January 16, 2008 #

    ha ha ha - this is so funny

    funny cause i can relate to most of them. i will show it to my wife tonight - i know it will make her laugh too.

    good one.

  19. Suzy — January 16, 2008 #

    Oh my gosh, you sooo could be me!! I think about 9 of the 12 could describe me aswell!!

  20. Mak — January 16, 2008 #

    hehe..you’re all so funny, thanks for the great comments, you all made me laugh so hard.

  21. Elizabeth — January 16, 2008 #

    I had no idea we had so much in common… the difference is I feel guilty about my imperfections. I think I should just get over it and move on! lol

    (I don’t worry about the daytime food issue… the 4 yo self-feeds except for lunch which she demands, and the baby will only eat frozen blueberries, clementines or the 4 yo’s leftovers.)

  22. Mak — January 16, 2008 #

    Elizabeth - hehe…well, I feel guilty some times too but yeah, I pretty much just get over it hehe

  23. Mak — January 16, 2008 #

    now Don that’s just frightening hehe but yes Anita, I have done that only to forget again, and again

  24. Rob — January 16, 2008 #

    lol! tmi — I’m SO disillusioned, Mak. Love the pic. You’ve only done #11 ONCE? Oops, tmi about me…

  25. Mak — January 16, 2008 #

    Rob - I know, cuz we all know everyone thinks i’m perfect ;) LOL

    yes, that probably *is* TMI about you lol

  26. Jenn — January 16, 2008 #

    Oh my word!!! I was literally laughing out loud!! Thanks so much for such a hilariously funny and relatable post.

  27. steve mcalpine — January 16, 2008 #

    Beautiful. We’ve just had a baby, I’m about to start a new job and we’re about to plant a church, so I can see all of the above taking place in the next few months or so!

  28. Mak — January 16, 2008 #

    sounds very familiar Steve :)

  29. ed c — January 16, 2008 #

    Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

    I was just thinking today that I can’t make funny faces all that well. You are a master, a true master. It’s an art form, a craft.

    The list was hilarious too, but the picture puts it all into perspective.

    Brilliant. Good show I say.

  30. Mak — January 17, 2008 #

    Ed - ROFLOL well thanks. I’ve never been so highly complimented on my ability to make funny faces. It’s a real honor indeed.

  31. Bec — January 17, 2008 #

    you just made me laugh really really hard. (point 2 esp)

  32. Paul — January 19, 2008 #

    lol, thanks Mak! i like to think all my parental flaws will keep future pray ministries going for weeks or therapists, or both ;)

    it’s always good to puncture the ‘perfect’ bubble - at bible study the other night we were anguishing over how deep the faith of abraham was that he’d take his son for a sacrifice until i piped up and said, ok which parent in the room hasn’t wanted to kill their kid at some point :)

  33. Amy — January 19, 2008 #

    I love this post, Mak! It’s so nice to know I’m not alone…and neither are my children or husband! ;-)

  34. Shanna — January 20, 2008 #

    Loved, loved, loved this post!!!

    Thank you….[big grin]

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