Swinging from the Vine / 791 posts / 2,698 comments / feed / comments feed

breakneck speed

Sometimes life flies at you at breakneck speed and you find yourself with emotional and mental whiplash before you even know what’s going on. That’s how I feel right now. A core couple in Revolution is leaving us in December - they’re moving to Denver for very good reasons and even though we fully expected it to happen (I called it months ago in fact), it’s sad for us personally and a huge loss for Revolution (he’s our guitar guy/worship leader and she’s our hospitality and service person and they are both very close friends to us and our kids)….but life does indeed go on and they’re excited about the community they’re connecting with there and what living in Denver will offer them, so we’re happy for them even though it sucks for all of us.

Shayel started school last week and LOVES IT. We’re so proud of her. But that was a huge change in the life of our family and for me in particular.

We went to the CRM conference and got pretty jazzed about Missio and MCAP and everything that it means for our family but everything it means for our family is also a bit overwhelming. Being missionaries and raising support and all that is not something we’ve been anticipating in any real sense, it’s just been sort of “out there” somewhere and now that it’s in the here and now it’s sort of freaking me out.

David’s job is … well, it’s David’s job, I’ll leave it at that. It’s hard for him to keep working full time when he has so much emotionally invested in the care and well being of Revolution and of course us his family but it’s important that he keep working right now.

And we just have a lot of loose ends in our personal and ministry life - I don’t like loose ends. When Alan and Deborah were moving to the US and waiting on the legal stuff for that I told Alan that we need a pill for “flux” - zomoflux or something … that’s sort of how I feel right now. Even good change can be really difficult and emotionally draining…and we just went through an EXTREMELY emotionally draining situation with our previous church that just ended a few months ago so all of this is a bit much right now.

We are also realizing we’re in desperate need of like minded ministry friends who are at a similar stage in life that we can connect with face to face. We have friends who are older and are wonderful - we adore them - but they have grown kids (or no kids) and are in a different place in life and ministry. And we have friends who are younger and don’t have kids or aren’t even married so we adore them and they’re great but the kids thing is tough sometimes and none of them are in a similar ministry place…so lately we’re feeling a bit “lonely” here in Fort Collins doing this crazy missional community thing all by ourselves (there is nothing like this in Fo. Co. which is why we’re doing it but it’s also what makes it hard). The nearest “friends in ministry” are in Denver 1-1.5 hours away - - so you Denver people, if we start stalking you in a creepy desperate manner, please don’t run away hehe.

So we could use prayers - as always but maybe a bit more so now - primarily for peace and discernment, wisdom and knowledge for the season to come. Changes are in motion right now and there will be many more in the next year.

I also really still have a lot of insecurity (which is very unlike me) regarding “doing church” and leading a community in the way we are. I feel jealous and worried about all the attractive mega churches around here even though I know that’s silly - - -it’s still there. I often feel that I’m totally NOT cut out for this gig and when stuff happens that confirms it in my mind, it makes it worse. I have my graphic design gig and mommyhood and everything that those things entail … I still have moments where I think “man, wouldn’t it be nice to just be able to attend a nice cozy mega church and melt into the back seats somewhere”…and then I gag and quickly evacuate that fantasy hehe…seriously though, leadership is exhausting sometimes no matter the “model” or the size of the community. I think in many ways the emotional investment into a small community is more than a larger one.

We ARE looking forward to the Emergent Gathering in the first week of Oct. and the Missio Intensive immediately following. We’re planning to add a few days of family vacation in there so that should be nice. I know I’m not unique in these experiences or feelings and I know that we are extremely blessed and I’m not complaining..I just thought that some of you might be willing to pray for us and also, my guess is that many of you can relate and hopefully are encouraged that you’re not the only one our there who have freak out moments ;)


  1. Erin — August 27, 2007 #

    It’s times like these that one feels impotent (there I go with the sex references again) as a friend, both in physical distance and in my ability to empathize simply because I’m not in your shoes. But I appreciate you, and your voice, and the commitment your family has made to Revolution and I know it can’t be easy. I will pray for you guys, especially for God to bring some peers alongside you.

  2. Jonathan Brink — August 27, 2007 #

    My mentor is famous for telling me that there is no Walmart in the wilderness. Part of this journey is to explore the fringes to see how it plays into His mission. But I agree, it gets really lonely sometimes.

    And just when I go down that road, I’m reminded that I get to be the one to do this. I get to be the one treading new ground and creating the story that our children’s children will tell. I get to be the one on the thrilling ride.

    Blessing to you, David and Shayel. May you discover the riches that come from treading new ground.

  3. Mak — August 27, 2007 #

    thank you friends :) oh…and we have Aliyah too Jonathan - she’s our 2 year old daughter.

  4. Jonathan Brink — August 27, 2007 #

    Pictures. I need pictures. ;-)

  5. Mak — August 27, 2007 #

    hehe…you don’t believe me? I’ve actually posted several of her but here is one


  6. Paul — August 29, 2007 #

    hi Mak, am praying for you guys. We know the experience of not having friends in the same life stage as ourselves and it can be very hard and lonely. It is especially when it comes to kids and realising that they have limited exposure to other christian kids (well it’s probably different in the states but over here where 1% of the population is connected to church it makes the odds of my kids meeting other kids who go to church quite slim).

    Then again in a few yrs time maybe you’ll have grown to mega church size ;)

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