Swinging from the Vine / 825 posts / 2,848 comments / feed / comments feed


OK, so my idea to post here daily has turned into a few times a month - ARGH! What has brought me here today are my ponderings about discipline. Well, actually a lot of research leading to many ponderings. David and I have always said that we would only use spanking for open defiance but the more I thought about spanking as Shay has gotten closer to the “discipline age” the less I like the idea. Lately, I’ve been reading a lot about grace-based discipline and gentle parenting which is NOT permissive but also does not use punitive forms of discipline. It really deals a lot with understanding your child’s developmental stages, reflecting emotions and assigning possitive intent. Punitive punishment assumes a child is “bad” and need to be taught to be “good” through punishment. GBD assumes a child is good and need to be directed and taught. This to me, sounds much more like God and us. And I really am starting to feel that if we want our children to have an appropriate view of God’s love as our father and a solid relationship with him based on love and grace, how can we train her any other way? I read something in all this searching that I thought was good - “would Jesus have spanked a child?” I honestly can’t imagine Jesus raising his hand to anyone, much less a child. So I need to talk with David more about it because we need to be in agreement but I really feel that GBD fits much more with my ideas about children and parenting. Not to mention that I know I have tendancy toward lashing out in anger (which I have learned to manage very effectively) and I think it would be best for everyone that I just eliminate physical punishment as an option. I also have a lot of anger still toward my parents and their methods of discipline which was pretty much spanking, slapping and outright hitting.

I really believe that the goal of parenting is to train, teach and guide - not to have society’s view of the “perfect, well behaved child” - whatever THAT is. I also don’t want Shay’el to behave simply out of fear of punitive backlash. I want her to develop a HEART of obedience and respect toward the Lord first, and toward us as God’s representatives in her life. I’m not convinced that spanking is an effective way to do that. To me, it seems like an easy out for parents and way to assert their power and control over a child.

Lots to think about….

On a different note, Shay’el is getting so fun with her language - she is talking more and more every day and it’s incredible to observe. I love it. She’s VERY VERY active. but I think that’s great. I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if she was athletic like her uncle, my brother Shane.

I love being a mom - as exhausting and challenging as it is, I love it. The only think I KNOW I need to do is be more consistent in my relationship with the Lord and praying for my family. I also want to see us doing daily family “devotionals” and including Shay’el. I was reading Proverbs 31 and really getting into it. Looking at my responsibilities to my family from a biblical perspective was very eye opening and challenging. I’m still just scratching the surface of self-application of that chapter but it has sparked something in me to want to become a more godly, biblical wife and mother.

I’m really hoping we get pregnant soon - at least by the time Shay’el is 2. I’d like to have baby #2 before she turns 3 but of course, it’s all up to God.

We’re going to the zoo tomorrow which I’m very excited about! I think Shay is going to have a blast. I’m sure she’ll run us ragged but it will be fun watching her enjoy all the animals….speaking of, I better go get stuff ready, we’re leaving pretty early.

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